Name:Date:
How to use this sheet. Everyone has a room — the self we keep hidden while a different version performs outside. Being liked for the performance is not the same as being accepted. This sheet is about one step out of the room: honest feedback, and honest contact.
- Nobody has to see this page. Write the real thing.
- Page 2 is the step out — one thing said, to one person.
STEP 1
The two versions
Short answers. Words or phrases are fine.
1.Three things people see when they look at me:
2.One thing about me that most people do not get to see:
3.What I am afraid would happen if they saw it:
Clarify — The room is safe because nobody judges you in there. It is also where nobody can reach you. Both are true at once.
STEP 2
One honest piece of feedback
Think of a time someone told you something true that was hard to hear.
4.What they said:
5.How I flinched (what I said or did right after):
6.What was true in it, looking back:
Clarify — Real feedback provokes a flinch. The flinch is not the problem — it is what happens after the flinch settles that counts.
→ Flip to page 2: the step out.
Name:Date:
What you leave unsaid still arrives. The other person builds it themselves, out of whatever they have — usually the worst version. Silence is a message you let someone else write.
STEP 3
Three things I have not said
To whom, and what they might be filling in while you stay quiet.
| What I have not said | To whom | What they may be thinking instead |
|---|
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
7The one I will say this week
Pick the smallest one. Who, when, and where — face to face if you can. Contact works best when the other person can see you.
8What I will say
Write the first sentence. You do not need the rest — the first sentence is the door.
9What I will do with what comes back
They may push back. That response is the feedback. What will you do with it instead of going back into the room?
⭐ Afterwards — one line
Did you say it? What actually came back?
Growth needs contact. Contact needs honesty. Honesty needs the nerve to survive someone's reaction without leaving.
FOR MENTOR USE — READ FIRST (not printed with the student sheet)
Mentor Guide
Companion to Look Who's Inside Again on tervik.org/journey
1. What this sheet builds
Two things from the essays: that feedback only works after the flinch, and that what is left unsaid gets written for you by someone with less context than you have. The sheet turns both into one small, real act of contact.
2. Running it
- Page 1 is private by default. Say so before they start, and mean it. Offer to hear it, never to read it.
- Step 2 works best if you go first with a time you flinched at true feedback. It costs you something, which is why it works.
- Keep Q7 tiny. The smallest unsaid thing, to the safest person. A win here builds the muscle for the bigger ones.
3. The debrief
- Q9 is the rehearsal for the pushback. Practise it out loud once — what if they say no, or laugh, or get defensive?
- Come back after the conversation for the "afterwards" line. Whatever came back, name what the student did well in saying it at all.
4. Your own flinch
If a student's unsaid thing is about you or the program, that is the sheet working. Hold steady, stay warm, and do not soften your answer to stay liked — that is where teaching stops.